No more waiting...

This picture reminds me so much of an entry I've posted in my multiply almost seven months ago.

There are times when I would find myself thinking why I'm here.

Sometimes feel like a pawn in a chess match God is playing. Like I'm just watching as the king and queen are making they're most amazing moves while all I can do is go one step front, one step back. Sometimes I feel like the name you see crawl up on the screen after a movie. For five seconds, your name is there for everyone to read only no one actually pays attention to the credits. Sometimes I'm the hamster who keeps running in the little circle. I run, run, run but when I stop I'm in the exact same place.

I love my job. I get to leave the office when I want to. I get paid to meet a lot of people which for me is not considered work but a treat. Attend events. It's advertising world, how could it not be fun? I can picture myself getting old in this industry.

But there are times when I would question what's the point of all this. Who am I helping? Companies brain washing consumers into buying their stuff. Should I be a lawyer like the ones who have gone before me? But even that seems like a lost cause for me. I don't see myself wearing a hard hat with a blue print on my head deciding whether we should put an arc in the opening of the building or not. There are times I think that becoming a doctor or a nurse at the very least would be my best bet coz you get to save lives but then I remember I could barely look at a needle being inserted in my skin to my vein let alone do that to a stranger. My gag reflex is not built for all the episodes in a hospital. Maybe a psychologist or counsellor? Although I don't think that someone whose best friend is Repression should be even giving pieces of advice. I could totally hear myself, "You're a wimp, bottle it up! If you make yourself believe you're okay, you ARE okay. No need to deal with that emotions. Lock it up in a box and push it at the back of your mind." Tsk tsk. Maybe a missionary? But my track record would totally go against what I'll be preaching. I'm probably the most confused "Christian" you'll ever meet. I'm running out of ideas here.

I wish have an ending to this. Like a bulb have just lighted and I know exactly what to do... but I have none up my sleeve.

Then again, I'm like the stock market. Fluctuating. Tomorrow, I'll probably even wonder why I considered other jobs because I was made to be in advertising. Then the day after that, I'll be staring at the ceiling asking Bro if I'm just here on earth as part of His plan for other people or if He really has something especially for me. I know what His Word says and I know I should believe that He has plans for me and I do (I told you I'm the most confused believer...ever). It's just that sometimes, I'm just tired of waiting. Like I'm in a long line and I keep craning my neck to see the beginning of the line but all I can see is a never ending stream of heads.

I felt so lost then...I was waiting for something great to happen. Maybe I wasn't ready then. But I know I am now. So Lord, bring it on! I just can't wait for all Your promises to come true! I want that "S-curve" :)

You're probably wondering what that S-curve is, huh? Will tell you more some other time! :)

xoxo, d

Because...

You know exactly how to make me smile. You pacify every anxiety and doubts. You have a way of making everything rainbow-y. You seem to be who I need now. But not everything that feels right is right. In our secret world, it's a match heaven bound. But sooner or later we have to get out of that make-believe world. And I'm afraid we're not strong enough to make it out in the real world.

We've had enough drama. Let's not delve into this one!

xoxo, d

after Birthday thoughts

...went home at 4 in the morning, missed work and slept for 12 hours! I love it!

...my friends and I went out to celebrate last night. It was for my birthday and E's as well. We had so much fun. Booze + great company= laugh trip all night long. What is it they say about alcohol, it kills the weak brain cells and all that's left are the "intelligent" brain cells. Lol. And I felt absurd that I've been ranting. I was just lookung at the glass half-empty!

I think I'm off at a good start. Maybe this year will be a good one. Know what, I'm going to claim it! THIS will be my year!

xoxo, d

Birthday thoughts

What I planned to do on my birthday?

Go somewhere unfamiliar...alone!

That may sound sad but there's something about this idea that appeals to me. I seriously planned on doing that this year. But because of grown-up stuffs I couldn't just leave. (May ganon? Lol)

I don't see the point of celebrating getting old. Not when you're nowhere even halfway to where you imagined yourself to be when you're 23. I just can't help saying this again for like the nth time--but yeah, this is the worst year of my life! Can you believe that, I'm still in my early 20's and I've had "the" worst year. Please don't tell me that this is just the beginning. Yeah, I know, what's worst for me may just be normal for others. But trust me if you knew the details of how my year went, you'll agree with me. So let's not thread that road. I'm turning 23 in a few seconds and boy how I wish I could stop time. But remember what Paul Ellis said? "The world ain't slowing down for nor one." So here I am looking at the clock and wishing that when the clock strikes 12, my luck will change for the better.

Emo much? Lol.

I just take refuge in the fact that I'll be seeing my friends later. Will laugh all the bad trip away!

You know what, I just need a new perspective. So for my birthday, I'll be singing the soundtrack from one of my favorite movies, RENT. Let's be mawkishly hokey together and sing with me, eh?

♪♫♪♫ 525,600 minutes..how do you measure the life of a woman or man? In truth that she learned, or in times that he cried? In bridges she burned or that way that he died? ....It's time now to sing out though the story never ends. Let's celebrate remember the year in the life of friends...Seasons of loooove! ♪♫♪♫

My new project!

I've been eating....a LOT!

It's the time of the year again for parties, reunions, and all that holiday hoopla. And boy, oh boy, am I not ready. Why? Have you seen the calories and fats that have taken residence in my body lately? Sheesh!

"Depressed much? Eat much!" Yeah, that has been my motto. And blame it on my wanderlust to try out new restos every now and then. I've been meaning to do some dieting but for some reason, food magically shows up infront of me. Blame it on the people around me. Lol. Crash diet worked well for me before, maybe I should do that again. And maybe do some exercise again. Get rid of that butt mark in my couch. I need to lose weight...FAST. I've pulled this stunt before, lets see if I can do it again. Hello, project starvation!

FM goes to Advertising Congress

My first time to join the ad congress, and it didn't quite go as I expected or wanted. But hey, who am I to complain,eh?

Casting the "sumpa" away

Its the time of the year again when I have to endure hours in a salon chair to remove any traces of my real hair or "the sumpa" as they call it in VO. I've had my rebond retouched yesterday in Victor Ortega as my curly hair is starting to grow already. Rebond works perfectly for me as I'm a wash 'n wear kind of girl. I don't want to be bothered with styling and all that. Until I had my hair cut short, of course. Having a short hair requires styling and blow drying to have volume. But the one of the perks of having a short hair is that Lance (my stylist in VO) gave me a free hair spa because hair rebond there is a fix Php 1,000 but since I have short hair they don't have to use as much medicine and spend less time ironing my hair.

After four hours of undergoing hot hair iron, the terrible smell of the medicine, listening to gay lingo which I have a hard time understanding and reading countless fashion magazines to pass by the time, my hair now looks like this! Yey! Well, there's really not much difference when seen in a pic. Lol

* I wonder where I was looking when I took this photo.*

I've had three rebonds done in Victor Ortega and I have no complaints. They also did my PC. Usually,my hair looks flat as a deflated balloon after a rebond but I was very specific that I want my hair to have a 'lil volume because I can't wash it for two days and supposedly I have work today. What I like about them is that they really listen to the customer's request and actually follow it. So if you want to have a rebond, I would suggest you go to Victor Ortega salon. They're rebond is very cheap but the results are as good as those in expensive salons.

My daily dose of happiness

I may be having a bad year...but I've got great friends who scare the boo boos away! When I'm with them I feel like all's good and I just hit a hump. I used to call "someone" my daily dose of happiness. Now, I have a whole lot of them to call my daily dose of happiness. (may ganon?? Lol)

How do I get there?

When '09 started, I claimed that this will be an awesome year for me. That it will be MY year...Well, it didn't go as I wanted it to be. In fact, this is the worst year of my life.

My relationship with my (then) boyfriend of seven friggin years went downhill just when the year was starting. I went to a phase of depression which I tried to hide and forget with pigging out, drinking and spending! It lasted for a few months and even now that (I think) I'm over that phase, it still resurfaces every now and then. When I was pretty much back on my feet, I decided to concentrate on work, which isn't very easy as there are so many office issues. I like my job, I like the industry I'm in but I wasn't getting the results I expected to get. I hate mediocrity, but that's basically the perfect word for my career. My finances is hot 'n cold. For some unknown reasons, money seems to pass by my hands in seconds. I have no idea where it goes. So needless to say that I'm not richer than I was in '08.

I seem to be always in want of something I don't know. I know I can do better than where I am right now, I just don't how to start getting to that "better" place. The song, Gotta Be More to Life, is the soundtrack of my year.

The year is about to end. Most who are in the same boat as I are probably relieved that this year is ending but I'm not. I used to love hearing Christmas songs but now I cringe when I hear one. And I hear them everywhere nowadays! Christmas for me means the end of year. And I just don't want it to come yet as nothing spectacular have happened yet. I don't want this year to end as it is. I keep praying and wishing that 2009 won't go down in history as annus horribilis. It just can't!

I am literally in a gutter. I look at the stars and I tell myself that's where I want to be. The question is, how do I get there?

Weird Wonders

Moeraki- New Zealand


It is said by the Maoris that some of the surviving crew of the Araiteuru canoe were turned into stone and became mountains. The Moeraki boulders are said to be the pots and chattels from the canoe.

These large, spherical, alien and strangely beautiful boulders are mainly located on Koekohe Beach, part of the Otago coast of New Zealand’s South Island. Known as “Moeraki Boulders” they were originally formed on the sea floor from sedimentary deposits that accreted around a core in the same way that a pearl will form around a particle of sand. The erosion of the cliffs often reveals these boulders from the surrounding mudstone allowing them to join those already on the beach. Some of the larger boulders weigh several tonnes and can be up to three metres wide.

Maori legend attributes their origin to the arrival of the first ancestors / giants who came in the great Araiteuru canoe which was sunk by three great waves at nearby Matakaea.

Blue Holes- The Bahamas

The Great Blue Hole is located in the Light House Reef aproximately halfway between Long Caye and Sandbore Caye. It is about 60 miles east from the mainland of Belize (city). In 1997 it was designated as a World Heritage site.

Found on both land and in the ocean throughout the Bahamas are deep circular cavities known as Blue Holes which are often the entrances to cave networks, some of them up to 14 kilometres in length. Divers have reported a vast number of aquatic creatures some of which are still new to science. In addition, they’ve recorded chambers filled with stalactites and stalagmites which only form in dry caves. For the explorers this was proof that at one time, nearly 65,000 years ago, when the world was in the grip of the last major ice age, the sea level of the Bahamas was up to 150 metres lower than it is today. Over time the limestone of the islands was eroded by water and vast cave networks created. When sea levels rose again about 10,000 years ago some of these collapsed inwards land the Blue Holes were formed


More of this in: Ten Strange Places

This is me

This should be sent out to every couple

Can I e-mail this to our President & CEO?

A little exaggeration won't kill us.

The Virtual Me

If I have these pieces in my closet and the bod to go with it, you would see me strutting on an ordinary working day looking like these:

or


during weekends, I'll be in these

I love playing dress up in looklet. And I've been going to the mall looking for items close to these. LOL. I think I might go again later to bid my blues away as I always do when I'm feeling down. :-)) Either that or I eat my heart out. Better have an empty wallet than a bulging tummy! Lol

Drama bout Toshy, my lappy

My laptop broke down!! I still can't get over it. Toshiba never failed me, until now! And the my warranty has lapsed already! I am not ready for these kind of expenses! Not when i have a credit card bill due! Nyikes!

The worst part is that I might lose all my files: the pics, write ups, gazillion songs, movies and everything else!! I wish it could still be recovered.

A cloud is looming above me today, stay away people!

Someone please tell me why this routine didn't win?

Haha. Yeah I said I'm gonna move on from the UAAP Cheerdance hoopla, but I just watched the full routine of of UP pep squad, and the whole time I was saying OMG! because it really is wonderful and unique. Fine, maybe one stunt was a flop, but so what! Haha, bitter?? Anyways, there's still next year.

I tried Andy Warhol-ing my photo...

...and I know, I failed. Lol

I so want one badly, and I want to do it myself. Supposedly, it's easy to do but for a newbie in photoshop like me... IT ISN'T!! I blame my lack of sleep for this sloppy work! Lol

I'll try another tonight. And hope I do it right! I'm humiliating Andy Warhol. Hehe

Definitely going gaga

there goes all hopes of getting free tix for Lady Gaga's concert. Out the window.

I so want..no, I NEED to watch this concert. Does this mean I have to skimp on everything so I could buy a VIP ticket? Maybe cancel my cebu trip on september. Hmmm? I can do that. So what if I have plane tickets na, I bought that on sale naman. Cebu will always be there, there will always be seat sales. But it's not everytime that Lady Gaga will come over. Maybe use my mom's swipey and just endure her endless sermons of not being responsible with my money when she gets her bill. Although I'm sure she'll let me pay for this one. My list is long as it is, she won't let this go. Hmmm. Torn. I'm so torn.

*conversation with myself in my brain while pretending to listen during this morning's sales meeting.

new do

I've never had my hair cut this short. I've been wearing long hair for as long as I can remember. Well, not anymore.

From..

to


and three weeks later to this:

...thanks to my ever reliable stylist (lol), Victor (of David's Salon-WM). I luurve it! Although this means I have to take more time in fixing it every morning which is total bummer. I like having the wash and wear hair since I always wake up late and I have to rush through the morning routine...every single day. I always psych myself to wake up early but it never happens. I guess this should be enough motivation to wake up earlier than usual...otherwise I will go to work looking like i woke up with a terrible hangover and headed to the office without even washing. Yikes! The price you pay for vanity. Hope I give justice to Victor's work. Haha. :-))


And oh yeah, the shades stays!!! lol

Sorry to burst the bubble that you live in

...but there is a legend.

Lets see you top that off!