Thursday, March 4, 2010

It's been a year

“It’s when I’m standing six feet away from you and not being able to find the words to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you that I want to just scream to the whole room that I’m still in love with you. It’s when I’m sitting alone with the phone in my hand dialing your number and hanging up that I would trade a thousand tomorrows for just one yesterday. Then I could just call you to tell you goodnight. It’s when I am really sad about something and need someone to talk to that I realize you’re the only one who really knew me at all. It’s when I cry myself to sleep at night and it hits me how much I would give to hold you at that very moment. It’s when I think about you that I realize no one else in the world is meant for me.”

Exactly this day last year I admitted defeat and raised the white flag on us. They say it takes half the time of the relp to really get over the relp. I hope that's not true. I'm still not "there" though, but I'm trying. It's hard when there's friendship beyond the romantic relp. It's harder when you say you still love me, and she's nothing more than just a distraction. It's like I want to get a hammer and pound it repeatedly on your head. I'm just glad that I'm no longer in the stage where I want to cry every time I think of you and have the the biggest inkling to get back with you. But I'm still not in the stage where I no longer think of you almost everyday. Nor am I in that stage where don't I palpitate (though I try to look indifferent) when I hear your name. I know I can't totally erase you from my life, but I know one day I'll have every piece of my heart back in place to be in a sane relationship.

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