How do I get there?

When '09 started, I claimed that this will be an awesome year for me. That it will be MY year...Well, it didn't go as I wanted it to be. In fact, this is the worst year of my life.

My relationship with my (then) boyfriend of seven friggin years went downhill just when the year was starting. I went to a phase of depression which I tried to hide and forget with pigging out, drinking and spending! It lasted for a few months and even now that (I think) I'm over that phase, it still resurfaces every now and then. When I was pretty much back on my feet, I decided to concentrate on work, which isn't very easy as there are so many office issues. I like my job, I like the industry I'm in but I wasn't getting the results I expected to get. I hate mediocrity, but that's basically the perfect word for my career. My finances is hot 'n cold. For some unknown reasons, money seems to pass by my hands in seconds. I have no idea where it goes. So needless to say that I'm not richer than I was in '08.

I seem to be always in want of something I don't know. I know I can do better than where I am right now, I just don't how to start getting to that "better" place. The song, Gotta Be More to Life, is the soundtrack of my year.

The year is about to end. Most who are in the same boat as I are probably relieved that this year is ending but I'm not. I used to love hearing Christmas songs but now I cringe when I hear one. And I hear them everywhere nowadays! Christmas for me means the end of year. And I just don't want it to come yet as nothing spectacular have happened yet. I don't want this year to end as it is. I keep praying and wishing that 2009 won't go down in history as annus horribilis. It just can't!

I am literally in a gutter. I look at the stars and I tell myself that's where I want to be. The question is, how do I get there?